Lost..............

So we don't have a television so we have been watching LOST on our computer after the kids go to bed at night. We are still on season one and last night while we were watching I was overcome with sadness. It has been almost 4 months since we lost my mom-mom. It seems like forever ago but I think that's because I remove myself when sadness comes my way. I have a way of kind of tuning out the world when trouble comes. I was watching the episode where this girl was sitting there looking at her dead brothers body, I just felt such sadness. Like I knew exactly how she felt. I was in her situation only 4 short months ago. I still can't believe that she is gone.

We didn't have the best relationship over the past few years, lots of family issues that is a bit of every ones fault. She always tried to be the one to "fix" the family or at least get us all in the same room long enough to have some "family time". I was with her just 2 days before she passed. She came to my house to see the boys like she usually did. Mom-mom would come over once a week to play with Jacob and Noah. This time it was just Jacob. Noah was sleeping. jacob played with mom-mom for about an hour before she left. We got in a tiff that day. I don't even remember what it was about. Our personalities didn't go well, she liked to smooth things over and I like to resolve conflicts. Those two don't go well together. Anyway we exchanged some words and then she left, I thought I was going to see her the next week. To tell you the truth I almost told her that she couldn't come over that day, I didn't want to deal with whatever she was gonna bring over. Something just told me to let her come, I believe as I look back that it was God giving me one more chance to talk to her. We used to have a good relationship I guess although when your child and not able to speak your mind you get along well with everyone. We spent much time together, My dad was working a lot so I was always with others. Anyway I realized why I was crying last night, Maybe I didn't do a good enough job of sharing the gospel with her. As far as I know she never really "accepted" Jesus. People think you can get to heaven if your a good person. Why do we need Jesus if we can go to heaven based on our own good? Why do we need someone to "save us"? and from what? I think people who ignore this fact are too scared to admit that there is a hell. Deep down they know there is a possibility of hell. They are too prideful to admit that there life is not their own. People want to do what they want to, live how they want to. No one can deny that Jesus Christ lived, that's history. Or that he died on the cross. The cross was the penalty reserved for the worst people. That was considered the ultimate punishment. hmmm.... is it a coincidence that a sinless perfect man died the worst death? suffered the worst torment? Jesus took the punishment for the absolute worst crimes you could commit. Why?? So we might have everlasting life....

You see the bible says " no one comes to the father except through me". So if Jesus didn't die on that cross and suffer the worst penalty there is, we would have no way to see God. Now I don't have a bible in front of me and I can't quote scripture, this is coming from my heart. Just like in society if he break the law we get fines, go to jail, etc. When we sin we are breaking Gods law. God doesn't allow sin into heaven, it is reserved for the perfect. Well God also says in the bible that "all fall short of the glory of God" I think it might say that all have sinned and need a savor. Not 100 % about that one. We all know about the 10 commandments, whether you believe in God or not you have probably heard of some of them. Anyway God says if u break one commandment than you break them all. So just like in society there is consequences for our actions. So who deserves Hell more a murderer or someone who commits adultery? Someone who goes to every baseball game that their child has or the workaholic parent? Answer: All of the above, everyone of those people has sinned. Remember we all have fallen short. God doesn't let any sin into heaven no exceptions. So we have Jesus this perfect man who gets beat, tortured, and hung on a cross to pay the price for every sin, every shortcoming, every bad decision, every selfish act, every situation gone wrong. From the picture perfect parent to the convicted murderer, his death covers them all!!

when I sat down to blog it was to write about my mom-mom and something in me took over. I know now that this entry was for me, I have been praying for assurance that I am going to heaven. That I do have the holy spirit, well I got an answered prayer. I couldn't write this if I wasn't God's child. We as people are to selfish and prideful. I know I am damned without Christ. So is everyone else. Jesus says " I Am the way, the truth, and the Life, whoever believes in ME should not parish but have everlasting life"! Paraphrasing of course, remember no bible :) Anyway this post has helped me and I hope that it helps others to realize the truth. Would someone devote their whole life and everything in to something that doesn't exist?